4:29 AM Law school - Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia | ||||
“You gotta do well and prepare for Law School or else you will be stuck in IRAC!” John Kerry on His law school experience Law school is one of the breeding grounds for the common lawyer. the single most hated parasite in human history. A typical law library search engine. Vrooom! Law School is a magical kingdom in the sky. Many view it as a reward for going to an elite liberal arts college. and getting a 'degree'. However this fails to account for the immense import of the fabled Legal Stupidity Aptitude Test (LSAT). This magical sky kingdom is renowned for its randomly graded tests, and the Socratic Method which is both a sex position, and a gift to over achievers (it is also the reason why Socrates drank the Hemlock). As a law student you will need a top of the line laptop. complete with designer bag and Italian notebook sock. Many consider the greatest reward is the chance to play with the legal ferret. though experts are divided to the actual benefit to mankind this garners. Colours will suddenly be dull. Laughter muted. Sounds somehow grating. Food. sex. and wine will all be repulsive. Except maybe the wine. The wine (and his buddies' hard liquor and beer) will become your best friends. Unless you actually wanted to be a lawyer. and not just to please daddy. In that case you'll have a swell time. That said, the work load ranges from 190 pages per hour, to 190 pages per minute, alongside with three 6000 word essays on 1 individual sentences from a dusty law textbook printed only on recycled toilet paper in Korea. You will learn to survive, or you will not. In any case, your local McDonalds needs fresh meat! Remember, evidence proving Soylent Green to be people is inadmissible. Tools you may employ to survive include caffeine, drugs, alcohol, and the most dangerous of all - religion. But even more dangero--Nope, religion tops the list. However, even though this was the first question ever asked at law school orientation, it is still unknown whether anyone was ever worked to death by law school. Like every other question asked by anyone in law school, conclusive answers are usually frowned upon. The result of this is binge drinking between classes. However, this is the desired result. The alternative would be more binge drinking and the cessation of all questions via the nuclear option, per Stalin 's interpretation of the nuclear option through the interpretation of Rick Santorum 's treatise on the legally allowed consistency of Santorum when smeared. The practice of law is very prestigious and honorable, AND YOU CAN MAKE LOTS OF MONEY. Actually, the odds of landing a high paying partnership are rare. But hey, I'm sure you're lucky enough to get one. Because of semi-mythological creatures like Denny Crane. gaining admission to a law school is a very competitive process. Each year over 40 people are stabbed while for fighting for who gets to get through the doorway at the entrance of the law school. With this guide, you will be able to navigate the dangerous process. This article is part of Uncyclopedia's HowTo series. It is important to know that the LSAT is used globally, and besides, because America uses this system it must be the best. Go USA! USA! USA! Of course, before you can apply to law school, you gatta take and pass the LSAT. Before then, NOTHING MATTERS. So NOTHING YOU DO UNTIL THE DAY YOU TAKE THE LSAT COUNTS TO ANY ADMISSIONS COMMITTEE. So, Relax! Go party during your freshman and sophomore years. Go ahead! Get drunk and laid. just remember that, in order to get into a top law school, you usually need at least a 3.8, and a 3.5 to get into a good law school or a 3.0 to get into a REAL law school. So, I guess you can sorta ration out partying and studying. I guess. One good idea for improving your test results is to apply various bleaches and dyes to your skin, hair and eyes. Your 'valuable' arts degree will help as much as a republican in a save-the-nation conference. You say as an internet user you are as likely to share my liberal-bias and thus smirk with me. Suffice it to say, you will need to resort to prostitution to afford the curiously expensive study materials, and late night tutoring sessions. Rest assured, the bell curve is there for a reason. Hurrah for being average! Wow! It's your big day! Remember across the world people are going to take this test. Most of them are not only smarter then you, but more prepared. You will most likely fail, and have to take it several times over. Perhaps this time is just a test-run? Remember to consider the fact that today will be the day you decide the rest of your life and it may have a reasonable sized effect on your artificial life as well. Want to have a good life? Then, obviously, you must get perfect marks. Anyways, there are In this section, you will be required to use a tooth pick, a rubber band and 10 seemingly unrelated rules to sift out a 10 day schedule for six office slaves who are all too lazy to work or that their company "can't afford" to pay them all at once because of labor law deregulation, the trip itinerary for some hippie to visit like 30 cities in 31 days and to find out which weasel is the red one and which one is the "not red" one out of 7 weasels. However, everyone knows that weasels are brown. You will be given 35 minutes to do all of this with one set of facts. Sounds like fun, doesn't it? That's why they call it a GAME. Here, you can see a visual aid of the LSAT in progress. In the argument section, you will try to find what two idiots named "Moon Unit" and "Arnac" are arguing about and which tactics and arguments they are trying to make. They will be arguing from everything from abortion to where weasels should sleep to whose penis is larger. You will have be able to know the difference between exploiting resources and "exploiting resources". Also, you will actually need to "learn to know how to learn" what arguments are really about. This is so difficult, that many students' heads asplode. This will be 5-28 and you will be given 35 minutes to complete it. There will be 2 sections like this, unless there is 3. In this section, you will be asked to read a short passage, probably something about one's friends or one's coming-out-of-the-closet story and then you will be asked to recall or analyze a nuanced part of the reading passage. Some of these questions range from what would happen if the writer was white to what the meaning of life is. Once, there was a question about what "is" really meant on like 54, but this is disputed by the LSAT experts who administer the test. Of course, this is another 35 minute section of the test with 4 passages which total to 5 to 28 questions. Try to have fun, but having fun on this is pretty impossible, unless you are Oscar Wilde 's Emo kitten huffing Grue. This Grue not only had "fun" (whatever that is) but also got the respectable score of 172. However, when he went to talk about this on the internet he was called "TTT". He subsequently slit his wrist, listened to emo, cried and ate chocolate ice cream . It will take three agonizing long weeks to get your score back. During this time, you will expirence the conditions of incontinence, alcholism and perhaps colic. When you finally get the test back, you may or may not understand what the test results mean. The LSAT is graded on a 120 to 180 scale. Here is a basic table on what those numbers really mean.
Because you're on the internet, wasting time, we will assume you just passed. Good work, pathetically average human-unit. Now you must begin the ACTUAL application process, but you have forgot about one thing. You have not chosen a school to apply to! In order to figure this out, you must buy the U.S. News Ranking Catalog, which is the ONLY honest-to-God ranking system available. Many professors and law school deans dispute this, but they are just bitter that their school was given a low ranking. The Ministry of Love will correct their acts of sabotage against the party. Despite these disagreements, 99% of all potential employers use this rule. They U.S. World and Report ranks schools in this fashion: The Ministry of Truth is a very prestigious law school and consistently ranks high in the US NEWS
OK! You got everything together and know what schools you want to apply to. You are now actually ready to apply! You wake up in your modest yet stylish city apartment. You dress in an expensive navy blazer, custom button-up shirt, and department store silk striped tie. After putting on some sensible but slightly fashion forward shoes, you leave for the coffee cart that's outside the stylish building of your firm, the prestigious Dewey, Cheatem and Howe. While drinking your coffee, your iPad or laptop mocks slightly poorer people. When arriving at the office, your assistant smiles at you, and massages your ego, and in some cases your prostate. Your day is spent in a montage of legal-activity, with your excellence clear for all. You dine with a senior partner, and then head home with your hot fiance, with whom you have very dirty sex. You fall asleep laughing at those losers who said you would never succeed, and sleep like a baby. Life is perfect.
| ||||
|
Total comments: 0 | |