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Listening with both ears: the why and the how

The Why

When the average person reflects upon their communication skills, they often contemplate their ability to present ideas in a clear and cohesive fashion. Indeed, the capacity to be understood is necessary for successful interactions. Unfortunately, however, many fail to consider the critical importance of listening within the art of communication. It is important to understand how to effectively listen because it creates efficient interactions, provides the speaker with a sense of value, and enhances your understanding of concepts.

In the legal field it is necessary to work not only quickly, but also competently. Deadlines are constantly at your heels, and part of your value is how well you can keep up. Maintaining effective listening skills aids immensely in this regard because it saves time and ultimately reduces the chance for mistakes. By employing effective listening skills, you can avoid the need to repeat conversations or reiterate questions with clients, and you can know what they want, sometimes before they directly communicate such desires with you. Avoiding the need to retrace your steps will create a marked improvement in your interactions, and all it requires is effective listening skills.

Furthermore, when you effectively listen, you convey to speakers that you value them and the statements they are conveying. It is essential to carry on relationships with clients that are in an amicable environment of mutual respect. If you constantly have to ask someone to repeat or gravely misinterpret what they said, it demonstrates to the speaker that you are not invested in the conversation. This will negatively reflect on the relationship, causing the speaker to lose confidence in your capabilities and what they are communicating to you.

Finally, when you take the time to listen attentively, you become better able to reflect on your own ideas regarding the matter at hand. Two heads are always better than one. However, when you are simply waiting to respond, you fail to hear the content and collaborate. Taking the time to absorb another’s input can enhance or even completely change your viewpoints. Such effective listening generates to better ideas, common ground, avenues for compromise, and innovation.

The How

Not only is effective listening the more important than speaking, it is also a more difficult to learn. The good news is, every interaction provides new opportunities to improve your skills quickly.

Effectively listening involves a great deal of practice and an active self-awareness. The first and most tangible way to improve your listening is to stop talking. Mark Twain noted, “If we were supposed to talk more than we listen, we would have two tongues and one ear.” Refrain from temptations to interrupt. Allow the speaker to finish delivering their message in its entirety before injecting your response, and take the time to solidify your understanding of what was communicated.

Second, even if you have mastered silence, you must always remain conscious of whether you are formulating a response, or developing a complete picture of the  articulations. In other words are you hearing the words, or are you listening to the communication? Instead of generating an answer, focus on the speaker only. Account for the tone of voice, the context and reason of the statement, body language, and what is not being said. Words left unsaid are often more important than any of the words provided. This silent communication can reveal a client’s deepest concerns, mistaken assumptions or even deceptions, and taking note of these revelations will help you better assist and advocate for the individual throughout the interaction. Noticing this communication may be difficult for a novice listener, but employing cues from context, body language and tone can aid you greatly in such endeavors.

Finally, it is imperative to remove all distractions, external and internal, to allow for effective communication. Be aware of any internal distractions that can interfere with your listening, whether it be hunger, interactions in another relationship, exhaustion, or stress. Find ways to eliminate these interferences before engaging a client. If you are hungry, make sure you eat, and if you are stressed about something, write it down first. Finally, take care to avoid distractions that can easily be removed from the equation. Avoid rooms where the temperature is uncomfortable, outside noises are distracting, or other tasks are sitting in a pile, glaring at you throughout the interaction.

Effectively listening is a critical, though often disregarded component in the art of communication. Learning to listen leads to effective client relationships and overall success. Isolate your mind, zero in on the person before you, and listen with both ears.

Hilary Neiman is the author of, Things Fall Apart.  She works as a crisis strategist at www.hilaryneimannetwork.com